i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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