Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
