The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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