i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
