weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
