Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
