Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
