I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drunk is a universal language darling
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