Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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