it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
