i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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