You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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