Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
