So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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