So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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