I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize