Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
