Is it normal to miss your booty call?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
