woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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