the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
