a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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