I want to make a zoo with you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
