Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Couch. On fire.
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