Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
