Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was confusing and full of hummus
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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