Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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