My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
