I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
