don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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