Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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