boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
