I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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