Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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