I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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