I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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