I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
