I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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