Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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