did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize