Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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