She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
