she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
