Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
