i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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