party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
