There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize