Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
