It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
