Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
