I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
