I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
