DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
