Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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