Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
