So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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