Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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