My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
