today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
