if i can run in heels then i can drive
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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