Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
