I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
