If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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