I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
