is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
