You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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