see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Shame - the story of my life.
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