i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
