let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
